Dear Scorpius
by Audrey Angelfayce
Summary: A short drabble.


From the day I was born, I have been ignored.

I've never been good enough.

Not thin enough

Not as pretty enough.

Not trendy enough.

Not athletic enough.

Not calm enough.

Not stable enough.

Never enough.

I have never caught the attention of the one I love.

Teddy was always caught up on Victorie.

Victorie.

She is a main reason I am so unhappy.

I live in her shadow.

When I finally went off to Hogwarts I thought I might be able to stand out, to make my own legacy.

I was sorted into Gryffindor, just like everyone else.

My cousin Albus was in my year, my same house.

He stole any chance of standing out that year.

He is Harry Potters son, of course we will worship him!

I put on a smile though.

Stuck with my cousin Rose.

I made it through the year, picked on, bullied, but made it through all the same.

Maybe next year will be different.

I joined the quidditch team and got top grades, but isn't her sister prettier? Isn't her sister the captain? Isn't her sister more popular?

Third year was more or less the same except the bullying got worse.

Not as pretty, not as smart, not as popular, not as outgoing. Not Victorie. Not important.

Fourth year, my only friend, Rose, ditched me for Scorpius Malfoy.

Wow, even her cousin is better then her. More famous, more interesting.

The pressure was becoming too much.

Stay positive, I say to myself.

You're fat. You're ugly compared to your sister.

Your little brother is more popular then you, and he is a first year.

What have you accomplished in life?

Fifth year was where it turned violent. They pushed me down the stairs, they ganged up on me in the halls and hurt me.

So I began hurting myself. I thought that since Victorie left things may get better. I was wrong once again.

I stopped eating, and decided to leave it up to fate if I would live or not.

Scorpius, you noticed, and I fell in love with you.

You began sitting at our table, and made sure I ate, Rose and I became close again.

I didn't stop cutting though.

I couldn't.

They still hated me. They all did.

Scorpius, you saw my wounds one day and asked me about it. I broke down.

I told you I didn't know why everyone hated me, but maybe I did because I hate myself too.

You held me, and let me cry.

You said you would help me get better.

I said I loved you.

You said you loved Rose.

I told him I would wait as long as I needed to.

The war is in my mind; the wounds are on my body.

I needed him to love me.

So one night I asked you:

If I died would you cry?

Would you wonder if I was happy?

Would I be on your mind?

Would you ever speak my name again?

Would you come to my funeral?

Would you miss me?

And you said yes to all.

I cried that night.

I fell in love with you Scorpius, all over again.

For the first time in my life I felt like I really mattered to someone.

It was that summer that I realized you cared for Rose more.

I asked you to choose and you, Scorpius, chose her.

It killed me.

I should have left it alone.

But I just couldn't do it, I had to push you.

I fell in love with the wrong one… again.

The start of sixth year you approached me again.

Rose has terminal cancer, you told me.

I told you I'm sorry.

You replied that you, Scorpius, couldn't lose both of us.

You said you loved me.

I whispered back to you to stop pretending to care about me.

Rose died two day later.

I hadn't talked to her in six months.

My last words to her were I hate you.

Now she is dead. I can't even look at Scorpius without feeling guilty.

Every time I look in the mirror, I gag.

I'm ugly.

I'm fat.

I made my dying cousins life harder then it should have been.

I'm tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see.

I don't blame anyone anymore though.

I did this to myself.

It's my own fault.

Everything is my fault.

I'm not important though; every one would do just fine with out me.

The sun would still rise and set, the stars would still be in the sky.

I'm slowly breaking down.

The words are eating away at my very being.

They are all I can think about.

I am so on edge right now.

If I break a quill I cry.

I ask myself if I'm alive or just breathing?

One day I was walking down the hall and Lily Luna was being help down and beaten.

I pulled those bastards off her and hexed them.

I was so angry.

She is only a fourth year. I have never used so many hexes in my life.

I don't care if I'm hurt but I can't let her be hurt, let her become me.

Lily started becoming attached to my hip.

I was thankful for the company, but one day she asked me about you Scorpius.

She asked me if I missed you.

I whisper so much.

I miss you.

But I pushed you away and you didn't fight for us.

How could you?

We went home for Holiday break and Lily stayed close to me.

Aunt Ginny and Uncle Ron yelled at her, warned her about me.

Told her about what I would do.

I would kill her just like I did Rose.

I ran away, and she followed me.

We ran to the Malfoy household, to you.

You allowed us to stay with you.

Your parents didn't understand what we were.

Were we friends? Lovers? Enemies?

I didn't even know at that point in time.

We went back to school, and I was starting to heal.

I still cut though.

I started smoking.

Lung cancer would be welcome.

Okay not really but ya know.

Lily went to you and told you my cutting was getting worse.

I was cutting deeper, and she was scared.

You forced me to listen to you.

You said, Dominique Lacey Weasley, I love you too much to watch you kill yourself and stand idly by. You said you would always stick by me. You promised to never leave again. That even if I didn't want you around you would be here. I cried, and you kissed me.

That feeling of meaning something returned.

Lily was happy for us, and became involved with Lysander.

I didn't mind her absence though, because I finally had you.

Scorpius, those were the best tree months of my life.

You had to argue with destiny though.

You had to take a trip using the muggle airplane.

You had to be in the plane that crashed.

You were missing for a whole year, before they found you.

I have never been so relieved.

I had a job, and you were finishing school.

We made it work though.

You asked me to marry you.

I said yes, of course I did. You made me happy.

So what I was only 18.

I was still depressed though.

Lily started coming around our flat again, and I couldn't be happier.

Once again I had my cousin by me.

She stayed with us during the summers since she was still not accepted at home.

It was during her seventh year that my life fell apart again.

We were twenty as I recall.

And I came home from work just to find you kissing my cousin.

You, Scorpius, broke my heart.

I ran out of the flat crying.

I fell for you again, and just like last time, I got hurt.

You two got married today.

It was beautiful.

I'm so sorry I killed her Scorpius.

I'm so fucking sorry.

I didn't mean to.

I was just so upset.

You hurt me.

You left me for my cousin.

You cheated on me.

With my cousin, my best friend.

I was her maid of honor, while not three months ago you and I were engaged.

You, Scorpius Malfoy, broke me.

I killed my cousin because of you.

I proved them all right.

Because of you.

I hope you feel guilty because this will be two deaths that are your own fault.

More actually.

All of those people who died in that fire today, their blood is on your hands.

I love you Scorpius Lucius Malfoy.

I always will.

But now I have to say good-bye.

Dear Scorpius, if I can't be with you, I have no reason to live any longer.

Dear Scorpius, for you I swallow all these pills.

Dear Scorpius, you told me to kill myself, well here I am.

Dear Scorpius, I am gone.


End file.
